Fighting Over Fashion HOW AND WHEN TO ADDRESS DESIGNER-LABEL DEPENDENCE Mom’s annoyance grows into frustration as her sulking 11-year-old makes derogatory comments about the pair of athletic shoes she intends to buy for him. They seem perfectly priced and fashionable to her. To him, the shoes are a potential object of embarrassment because they do not meet the fashion requirements set by marketing campaigns and his peer group. Sound familiar? This scenario and its endless variations play themselves out in homes and stores across America. In addition, it probably peaks around the time school starts again at the end of the summer. So, what is a parent to do? When does a child’s interest in wearing fashionable apparel become problematic? It depends. “There is no one-size-fits-all answer to when a child’s interest in wearing fashionable clothing becomes problematic,” says Felipe Amunategui, PhD, clinical psychologist, of Rainbow’s Division of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. “However, parents can use some simple guidelines to decide where to draw a line.” First, the basics: All children need adequate nutrition, shelter, seasonally appropriate clothing, physical and moral safety, and others to speak with on a regular basis, Dr. Amunategui says. “Notice that the clothing requirement specifies that garments have to be seasonally appropriate, not fashion-compliant,” he says. Parents should ask themselves if they’re meeting these five essentials. If the answer is “yes,” then they ought to question the behaviors associated with the child’s interest in wearing garments with specific brand names. For example, does the child’s concern about the brand of apparel frequently result in parent-child conflict? Does this interest interfere with aspects of the daily routine such as getting ready for school? Is this interest associated with school or peer problems in any way? Does the child limit participation in social activities because of the clothing he or she has to wear? “Problems in functioning in any of these areas may indicate that parents should address the issue directly,” Dr. Amunategui says. In doing so, there are a couple of things to keep in mind. Set consistent expectations and consequences, both positive and negative, he says. “Ensure that inappropriate behaviors such as demanding, whining and sulking do not result in the child getting the product he or she desires,” Dr. Amunategui says. Instead, give the child the opportunity to earn the extra money that it would cost to purchase the brand-name item he or she desires. Children who aren’t old enough to hold a job can always earn extra money doing odd jobs around the house, he suggests. For teens who have their own income and appear to be spending an excessive amount on fashion expenditures, parents may consider requiring the teen to save a percentage of his or her income. “When under pressure from your youngster, keep in mind that neither a child’s development or achievement are influenced by fashion,” Dr. Amunategui says. “Also, keep in mind that parenting frequently involves making unpopular choices.”